Wednesday, November 9, 2011


We'll, it's official. We're the hold outs. All of the twins due around the same time as us whose parents (or surrogates) write blogs we follow have been born. Big, big, big congratulations to Aleksandra, Stacey and Lee, and Jeni (and her IPs Fareed and George). We are so thrilled for the happy healthy babies who are the pride and joy of their parents. I guess that means it's our turn next.

Meanwhile, this is a link to a GREAT post that I just read about talking with strangers you meet about being same sex parents. This has been on my mind lately, because I have been talking to my students about my upcoming absence from school, and the fact that my family is growing by two. My students have been great, and so happy for me and Chad. Mostly they just want to know if the twins are going to be boys or girls, but a few students have asked if I have a wife. To that, I reply that I don't have a wife, I have a partner.

At this point, I want to stop and say something about my beliefs about freedom. I believe that people should have freedom to make judgements for themselves. But, too often, people spend too much time trying to put labels on things that don't need to be labeled. So, when I talk about my family, I remove all judgement from the way I present the information. This includes not saying things like it is OK, or "good" (and obviously not saying it's "bad"). I find that applying the label "good" or "bad" or any similar vocabulary just perpetuates the either/or, good/bad dichotomy, which is in my opinion, most often a false dichotomy, or even inapplicable.

So, I just say the way that it is. And, guess what. My students are completely unshaken by this. They take the information in and go on with their day (and hopefully, discuss it with their parents if they have questions). I hope that the way I talk about my family with my students perpetuates a climate of peace. There is a basic wisdom that resides within children. They know that all families are different. My family is two partners. Some families are only a mom. Some are only a dad. In India, some families are a aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas and grandpas. We are all different. Kids get it.

Cheers and Peace,


  1. Our wait ended with and bestest, fastest, surprise ever! I totally get the waiting..... it is hard but man, the roof of your house will be blown off when that call comes in.

  2. That Gaybies blog is wonderful. Thanks for providing the link...he also wrote a great article for the New York Times at

    And loved your post. I always have said the babies don't come from two people...they come from everything that led you to the decision to have a child in the first place. If just two people were involved I think it would just be plain boring. Excited for you guys. !!!

  3. Thanks for commenting on my blog - and for the link here. I'm so happy to have found your blog. I'm fascinated by surrogacy in India, so I'll be diving into your blog as soon as I have a chance.

    Congratulations on your twins. I'm sure you feel like I do, like the luckiest guy in the world. All the best to you and Chad and your new family.

  4. Excellent post, Douglas. I have to say that one of the reasons I liked reading your post so much is that it is clearly written from a perspective of love and contentment with where you are in life. I don't read your blog and walk away feeling like any kind of "agenda" has been pushed. Instead, when I finish reading, I think about how much love will be in the home waiting for your babies. It seems like a safe place for a child to be raised and I hope you keep writing once you bring home the twins. I'd like to share in the journey as they grow up...even if it will be from the other side of the planet. Best wishes!