Heading into the Unknown

Searching for a job internationally is complicated. Especially when dependents, housing, and visas are factors to be considered by your prospective employer. There are not many places in the world that offer both Douglas and myself a position in the same location where it is not illegal for us to live.

It has been sixteen years since I came out of the closet and since then I have never faced any sort of discrimination because of that (that I know of). I suppose I have just been lucky; however in our job searching we have found that the world is much smaller that we originally thought. We only have two requirements of a country; clean air, and not illegal to be gay.

The unknown is really scary. The fact that we don't know where we will live starting in June is frightening. Even if we move back to the United States we still don't know exactly where we will live.

Whatever happens happens... Everything will work out in the end.

Chad

Overdue Update

The boys are keeping us really busy these days. Their day runs from 8a-8p with a one or two hour nap after lunch. Most days with the boys are a lot of fun, but it isn't always gum drops and lollipops, as you can imagine.

Every day Cedric and Ezra are learning something new. Sometimes good things... sometimes bad things. We have made momentous progress on manners recently. Their skills of reason have also started to develop. They now understand what we want, however it is still a toss up if they decide to comply or not.

They are learning new words daily and will repeat anything you say. Anything. It has been a lot of fun watching them grow. They have such different personalities it is hard to believe they are twins.

Ezra is a runner. I can already anticipate phone calls from his teachers saying he ran away. He gets this look on his face and you can see he is testing how you will respond.

We have had a few problems with our ayah. I came home the other day and she was letting the kids dance on the coffee table. We have been working hard on keeping them from climbing on it... now we know why they were not listening. It is also culturally difficult for our ayah tell the twins "no". It is a different way of looking at it but it's as if the she works for the kids. So we are working on boundary issues where she has to tell the boys no and enforce the rules while we are gone.

We have also had our fair share of illness. Everyone has had coughs, running noses, and fevers. Cedric has had a few terrible reactions to bug bites. Some that have led to skin infections with very disgusting looking boils on his legs. I could never be a doctor. I had to stop trying to diagnose the issue using Dr. Google after seeing the search results for skin rashes. People are nasty!

We are still trying to get Ezra to pack on the pounds. Cedric is gaining weight like normal, but Ezra just can't seem to gain a pound. He is a good eater, but must burn calories at a much higher rate. He never stops moving so maybe he will always be a skinny mini.

Eating out with twins is going quite well. Once in awhile we have to end dinner a bit quickly, but most of the time they are perfect gentleman. We have noticed they seem to eat better when we all eat together as opposed to having a kids meal time and then an adult meal time.

The weather is still quite hot in Delhi. We have been swimming most weekends and sometimes swim during the week. Ezra is a little fish and will jump from the side of the pool and blow bubbles and all sorts of fun stuff in the water. Cedric also loves the water, but he has always been a little more reserved and leaves the show boating the his brother.

We have also joined a very diverse play group. There are kids from Norway, Germany, Brazil, Spain, India, and Czech Republic. Our ayah has been coordinating with several other ayahs to have regular play groups at a different house three times a week. Once a week we host at our house and there are nine children and nine ayahs all in our house. I stuck my head in the door once. It was toddler overload.

Cedric and Ezra are really good at sharing with other children. However sharing between themselves is another story. I find it very interesting how they interact with each other. Ezra will take things from Cedric just for fun and then run through the house as if it is a game. Cedric subsequently is chasing him through the house screaming for his toy back. We have a lot of work to do in this area. Maybe a life long task.

I am heading to Las Vegas for a work conference in two weeks. I am looking forward to learning something new and excited for the networking possibilities. It has been a few years since I have been in Las Vegas. I can't wait to see if I can still win at black jack. My mom and dad are also going to meet me there for a couple of days.

Sorry this post turned into a novel. I guess that's what happens when you are terrible bloggers and forget to post anything for two months!

Chad

Waiting!

We'll, it's official. We're the hold outs. All of the twins due around the same time as us whose parents (or surrogates) write blogs we follow have been born. Big, big, big congratulations to Aleksandra, Stacey and Lee, and Jeni (and her IPs Fareed and George). We are so thrilled for the happy healthy babies who are the pride and joy of their parents. I guess that means it's our turn next.

Meanwhile, this is a link to a GREAT post that I just read about talking with strangers you meet about being same sex parents. This has been on my mind lately, because I have been talking to my students about my upcoming absence from school, and the fact that my family is growing by two. My students have been great, and so happy for me and Chad. Mostly they just want to know if the twins are going to be boys or girls, but a few students have asked if I have a wife. To that, I reply that I don't have a wife, I have a partner.

At this point, I want to stop and say something about my beliefs about freedom. I believe that people should have freedom to make judgements for themselves. But, too often, people spend too much time trying to put labels on things that don't need to be labeled. So, when I talk about my family, I remove all judgement from the way I present the information. This includes not saying things like it is OK, or "good" (and obviously not saying it's "bad"). I find that applying the label "good" or "bad" or any similar vocabulary just perpetuates the either/or, good/bad dichotomy, which is in my opinion, most often a false dichotomy, or even inapplicable.

So, I just say the way that it is. And, guess what. My students are completely unshaken by this. They take the information in and go on with their day (and hopefully, discuss it with their parents if they have questions). I hope that the way I talk about my family with my students perpetuates a climate of peace. There is a basic wisdom that resides within children. They know that all families are different. My family is two partners. Some families are only a mom. Some are only a dad. In India, some families are a aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas and grandpas. We are all different. Kids get it.

Cheers and Peace,
Douglas