Happy Holi!

Holi will always be a special holiday for us. Before we had kids, we would spend Holi with our friends, partying it up and having a great time getting really messy! Two years ago, we threw a great Holi party while keeping the secret that on the day before, at a nearby hospital, the doctor had transferred the embryos that would become our boys into our surrogate. I remember being more nervous and more excited than I ever thought I could be. Fast forward two years, to our boys second Holi. Life has changed dramatically, and we are so much richer in so many ways because of our boys. Happy Holi to everyone!

Peace, 

Douglas and Chad

Metaphor of the Day

Sometimes beautiful things come from non-traditional methods.

Love and Peace,
Douglas

First Haircut

Oh my! It's amazing how quickly these kids are growing up. In witnessing the new things they're learning, seeing them take their first unassisted steps, attempting to form words, eating new foods, and by almost everyone who lives in our community and has known the boys since they're birth, we're reminded daily that our babies don't stay babies for long. Yesterday, in preparation for some major beach time coming up, we decided to bite the bullet and get the twins their first haircut. And, wow! I think they suddenly turned into little boys right before our eyes.

Friday News Roundup

I've read a few great articles this week that I'd like to share with you:

Josh Goodman has this reminder about the lessons that the Boy Scouts are teaching the male youth of America.

This article about surrogacy and whether or not the women who choose to be surrogates are really entering into contracts by choice is thought provoking. I know through our interaction with our surrogate, that the decision to enter into surrogacy was her own and it received full support from her immediate family.

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom has a review of a book that I've been meaning to review but haven't found the time. I'll only add that I found Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg to be an excellent read and it has been immensely helpful in parenting our twins.

Another big expose in an Indian newspaper about surrogacy. In my experience, our surrogate was not impoverished. Poverty in India is another story all together.

Meanwhile, Chad and I have been listening to the news this morning about the shooting in Aurora, Colorado. We are saddened by the events, and especially heartbroken that someone would perpetrate violence on a victim as young as three months old. We are keeping the community of Aurora in our thoughts.

Peace!

Douglas 

How Long Does Surrogacy Take?

Today, we have an answer to that question. In our case, it took one year, five months and 21 days from our first meeting with our surrogacy agency in India until our paperwork to become a family with an order of adoption for both dads for both kids was final. I realize that others' journeys down this road may take longer; but, I am sharing this with you, dear readers, to let you know--if you are on a similar path--that there is an end to all of the paperwork and legal documents and getting there feels really incredible!

Today is an incredible day for our family as it represents a milestone we've reached after what seems like a very long journey, even though I know that our journey wasn't nearly as long as some people.

Today feels like another birthday for my kids, and another anniversary for me all rolled into one.

Today, I am proud that, despite some serious backwardness regarding LGBT issues, we live in a state that recognizes that families are all different, and the state has an interest in promoting stability through legal recognition.

Today, we reaffirm our commitment to our kids and to each other.

Love to all!
Douglas 

Mississippi Is A River

When my voice teacher taught me how to bow, she said that I should relax my neck muscles, bend at the waist and say "Mississippi is a river" in my head.

"Why are you bowing?", you might ask.

Because we've received a most prestigious award! The Liebster award. This award is for blogs with fewer than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:

• Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them
• Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
• Post the award on your blog
• Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers
• Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing

"From whom did you receive this most-prestigious award?" you inquire.

From Love Makes a Family, a blog about a surrogate, two great fathers and how their twins came into the world through a community of love.

"Now that you've won this award, what will you do now?"you want to know.

Now, we'll give out our own Liebster Awards to the bloggers we love!

1. Allton-Nee Three: First off a hat tip and Liebster to our fellow world travelers. Read the story about the birth of Beau and find out about these Dads' infinite levels of patience when getting their kid out of India.

2. Pride in Life: I'm not sure if Ryan has fewer than 200 followers. Even if he has more, you should be reading his blog, which features beautiful photography, great stories about his son, Bean.

3. Mark and Kerrie's Journey: If you are unfamiliar with Mark and Kerrie's story, please go back and read their whole blog. Their experiences dealing with infertility, IVF, shipping disasters, surrogacy and finally, success and the birth of Cailyn should be required reading for anyone journeying into the world of ART.

4. Alotabi Triplets: Just because I don't know how she has three children at once and manages to update a blog!!

5. Two Babies on the Way: The Khan family is on a similar journey to ours. Our kids were born within a month of each other, and we love reading up on what Brady and Rooney are doing. Go check their blog out too!

Cheers and Happy Reading!
Douglas

Official Timeline

Here is an idea of how long you might have to spend in Delhi. Keeping in mind that DNA testing is not required for all cases and we got official passports and not temporary ones.

Nov. 13: Cedric and Ezra make their debut
Nov. 17: Indian birth certificates picked up
Nov. 18: US Embassy appointment & DNA testing done
Nov. 21: Embassy shipped DNA test to USA
Nov. 23: DNA test received in USA
Nov. 28: DNA test results received
Nov. 29: Passport applications submitted to Washington
Dec.   7: Passports received in Delhi
Dec.   9: Approval from the Ministry of Home Affairs
Dec. 13: Approval from the Foreign Regional Registration Office

Chad

Family of Four

The passports have arrived! They were processed/printed in the states and arrived in Delhi six days later. So happy to have those in hand. The boys will have some embarrassing moments in passport control with these mug shots. Next stop MHA/FRRO.

Chad

Happy Birthday

9:15 AM

As I write this, we are sitting in the cafe at BLK hospital in Delhi, very anxiously awaiting the arrival of our twins. After a night of chemically-inspired sleep (thank you ambien), we woke up to a bright, sunny day in Delhi, and at about 7:45 this morning, we grabbed the bags that have been packed for weeks and headed to the hospital. 

Seema walked in about 10 minutes after we did. I am so impressed at her body. She has our twins inside of her and she looks incredible. She is smiling and so mobile. I'm thoroughly thankful that our doctor suggested her to be our surrogate. Her body type is perfect. 

Check in has been a breeze so far. The baby wing of the hospital doesn't seem to be very busy this morning. There are only two other patients as far as I can tell from snooping around. So, I expect that our babies will be receiving undivided attention. 

Chad and I have been texting almost constantly with our friends at work, some of whom are in a class on assessment this morning.  I feel sorry for their teacher, as I am sure we will cause a bit of a distraction today! 

I just talked to Dr. Indira on the phone, and she is on her way to the hospital. She won't be the one delivering the babies, but she will be in the OR with Seema, and has promised to take pictures.

Meanwhile, Chad and I are sitting in the cafe. I am trying to stay "in the moment" but at this point, that is a pipe dream. At least I brought my computer to distract me from the wait. 

This is definitely the longest wait. 

3:24 PM

They're here! They're here! Our boys are here. 

Cedric Michael and Ezra Graham

I didn't tell anyone, but I had the sneakiest suspicion that we would have two sons. Hardly anyone guessed that we'd have two boys. When we told her the names, Dr. Indira,with her usual biting sense of humor, asked why we were giving them sentences instead of names. Chad asked me a little later if I thought their names would fit on the immigration cards that you get when you fly in and out of various countries. 

Ezra and Cedric are both resting right now in the NICU. The nurses and doctors here at BLK are doing an excellent job of monitoring their vitals. Both boys have feeding tubes, although Cedric hardly looks like he needs a feeding tube (he looks like he might be recruited to be linebacker for Ohio State: boy, wouldn't that make his grandma and grandpa proud?). Cedric was born at just over 6 lbs (2.8 KG) and Ezra weighed just under 4 lbs (1.8 KG). I have to say that both Chad and I were surprised by Ezra's weight, as the ultrasound technician had estimated that he weighed 4 lbs, 11 ozs, and that was at 34 weeks! So, having him show up at 36 weeks and 3 days and weigh less than 4 lbs was  a bit of a shock.  

The doctor says they are both doing fine. I think they both look absolutely beautiful. We've had two visits to the NICU, and now we are resting in the lounge, getting ready to go back for a third visit. We got to hold them for a few minutes a piece at about one hour after they were born. Then, we left the hospital and went to get something to eat, and then we came back and sat with them for a little longer. 

I asked the doctor what the next 24 hours will look like. He said that they will continue to be on the feeding tube, and that they will continue to monitor heart rate, breathing rate, and any "output" that they boys may have after their feedings. Then, tomorrow morning, we will try to give them their first bottles. I made sure that they understood that we wanted to be present for their first bottle feeding. Chad said that I wasn't being too much of a "stage parent." In spite of the low birth rate for Ezra, both babies are simply beautiful. 

The biggest thing in the next 24 hours will be to make sure they are getting the nutrients that they need. The doctor said that he didn't want to risk trying a bottle feeding today. OK. 

Chad and I are doing great. Actually, we're so far past excited that we're a little emotionally spent (at least I am). At about 2:00 a flood of tiredness washed over us. So, after we sat with the boys for a little while longer, we came down to the lounge and crashed in the most uncomfortable chairs I've sat in in a while. 

I can't wrap my head around their arrival. It's so amazing. 

4:30 PM

I hate my camera. The pictures I took of the Cedric and Ezra don't do them justice (plus, some of them are a tad bit out of focus). Thank goodness our friend Mary is coming to the rescue with a much better camera. 

9:28 PM

Exhaustion! 

We are home, and had a toast to the boys, as well as a little dinner. Now, I'm in the process of updating all of the people who need to be updated. And, taking care of updating the blog. Before I remove our fishbowl and our polls, let me say that we made it to 36 weeks and 3 days gestation, and that nobody expected us to have 2 boys (4 respondents out of 32). Only 10% of those surveyed thought that the boys would be born today (4 out of 36). 

Before we left the hospital for the evening, the nurses removed Cedric's feeding tube, and I tried to give him a bottle. I was only moderately successful, but the nurse did a much better job (she had to continually stimulate his chin and cheek in order to engage his sucking reflex). They are going to try another bottle tonight, and then we'll be back in the morning for his bottle at 8:00 AM. 

Let me just say that both of our sons are adorable. After I fed him, Cedric got the cutest case of the hiccups. Yep. It only took about 2 minutes before my kids officially became the cutest kids in the world. 

And with that thought, Chad and I are going to bed. We will probably have to chemically induce our sleep tonight because our minds are racing at about 1000 miles per second. 

We are both filled with wonder and amazement at the birth of our sons, and at the marvelous support that we have from family and friends. 

Life is magical!

Love and Peace,

Douglas 

Pictures...

... are worth 1,000 words.  But, don't worry; there are more than 1,000 words coming soon too!

Cedric Michael

Ezra Graham

Chad meets Cedric

Chad meets Ezra

Douglas and Cedric

Douglas and Ezra

Two Boys

A big warm welcome to Cedric Michael and Ezra Graham.

Get Ready For The Babies!

Today we found out that Seema is having contractions quite regularly and that means we are having babies in the morning! We are checking into the hospital at 8am, and expect the babies around 9am India time. For those of you on Eastern USA time they will be making their debut around 11pm tonight.

We expect a sleepless night tonight. Cheers to healthy babies!

Chad & Douglas

Something's Coming

From the Department of Cryptic Messages: 

Thirty-Six Weeks

We made it! How exciting to have reached this milestone. We have nothing new to report. Seema has an appointment on Saturday morning, and we (and by we I mean the doctors) will see how her body is progressing. If she is 50% effaced or more that will be our green light to have our babies this weekend. We don't want them born in a Delhi traffic jam so a scheduled c-section is a must.

The first pick in the baby pool is for today at 2:30pm. Lets hope if they decide to come on their own they will wait until tomorrow and have the coolest birth date ever (11-11-11).

Hats off to all of the healthy babies born in the past week!

Chad

Waiting!

We'll, it's official. We're the hold outs. All of the twins due around the same time as us whose parents (or surrogates) write blogs we follow have been born. Big, big, big congratulations to Aleksandra, Stacey and Lee, and Jeni (and her IPs Fareed and George). We are so thrilled for the happy healthy babies who are the pride and joy of their parents. I guess that means it's our turn next.

Meanwhile, this is a link to a GREAT post that I just read about talking with strangers you meet about being same sex parents. This has been on my mind lately, because I have been talking to my students about my upcoming absence from school, and the fact that my family is growing by two. My students have been great, and so happy for me and Chad. Mostly they just want to know if the twins are going to be boys or girls, but a few students have asked if I have a wife. To that, I reply that I don't have a wife, I have a partner.

At this point, I want to stop and say something about my beliefs about freedom. I believe that people should have freedom to make judgements for themselves. But, too often, people spend too much time trying to put labels on things that don't need to be labeled. So, when I talk about my family, I remove all judgement from the way I present the information. This includes not saying things like it is OK, or "good" (and obviously not saying it's "bad"). I find that applying the label "good" or "bad" or any similar vocabulary just perpetuates the either/or, good/bad dichotomy, which is in my opinion, most often a false dichotomy, or even inapplicable.

So, I just say the way that it is. And, guess what. My students are completely unshaken by this. They take the information in and go on with their day (and hopefully, discuss it with their parents if they have questions). I hope that the way I talk about my family with my students perpetuates a climate of peace. There is a basic wisdom that resides within children. They know that all families are different. My family is two partners. Some families are only a mom. Some are only a dad. In India, some families are a aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas and grandpas. We are all different. Kids get it.

Cheers and Peace,
Douglas 

Thirty-Five Weeks

We have reached another milestone! According to the report we received yesterday Seema and the babies are doing great. All tests have come back as normal; hemoglobin and sugar test are also perfect. The good news is Seema's weight gain didn't skyrocket again and is increasing normally. We have our Doppler ultrasound on Saturday. We will have more baby stats after that.

Waiting for the babies is like waiting for summer vacation. I couldn't imagine what we would be doing if we were not working to keep ourselves occupied. Our friends have started a baby pool at work. A prize (which has yet to be determined) will be given to the closest date, time, and gender guesser. 

Everyone can play along in the guessing. Let us know what you think on the right side of the screen.

Chad

Every Time My Phone Rings

I jump a little!

There are several sets of twins in blogger-land that are about make their debut. Anxiously I keep checking  for updates every ten minutes.

Two Babies on the Way
Dreams Come True in India
Love Makes A Family

We are a maximum of nineteen days away from the big show at our house.

It is getting real in here.

Chad

Sharing is Caring, Right?

It happens to everyone. For me, it was my recent trip to Belgium, when I met several people from places I'd never been to who--it turns out--know all of the same people I know. In one instance, a teacher in The Netherlands had gone to college with the person who, twenty years later, gave me my first job as a pianist. You already know that I believe we are all connected to each other. But, it's experiences like this, the ones that happen half a world away from home, that leave you either wanting to hum It's A Small World After All, or the theme to The Twilight Zone.

Landry art? 

But, our interconnectedness makes me wonder about the nature of information sharing, and specifically blogging. Last night, I was spending time on Facebook. One of my college friends who is now pregnant was asking for advice on strollers. So, I sent her the link to our stroller. A little while later, I went and checked to see what other people had said. I was amazed to find there were 27 different comments. Some comments offered diverging viewpoints, some agreed. By the end of the whole thing, I am pretty sure that my poor friend was even more confused about her situation than she was before she asked her question. Situations like this beg the question: shouldn't we just sit down and shut up?

In the age of interconnectivity and way too much information, why contribute to a greater cloud of noise? Well, for me, and for this blog, our contribution to cyberspace's cacophony is to shed light on a path that might be misunderstood. Our journey with surrogacy has been our chosen path to get to the goal of a family of our own. Everyone takes a path, and everyone has a journey. And even if you are the typical opposite-sex couple, and you have the wedding, then the house in the burbs with the white picket fence, and perfectly-behaved labrador, and you are exactly like so many other couples in the world (or at least in North America), even then,  your journey to grow a family will be your own. It will not be the same as anyone else. There are many, many ways to make a family. Surrogacy is one way that people grow their families.

Here's my point: our surrogacy experience is our path. In blogging about it, we demystify the smaller curves and corners, and we shed light  on how all of our paths are similar and different. I know that when I've read the blogs of others who have walked their paths before me, I saw new possibilities for myself and my family. I learned that everyone has choices; that everyone makes decisions about families; that our decisions are our own; that the judgements of others are not important; that there were supportive communities for families of all types; that all families are different; that all families are the same.

Through blogging, I also hope to make connections with people who are on a similar path because I think it will be important for our kids so, they can know other kids who have similar backgrounds. In doing this, they can feel a sense of belonging. I believe that everyone has a need to belong, just like everyone has a need to be independent, free and different!

I'm not sure what will happen to this blog after our twins are born. Already, I've noticed that not many parents of multiples maintain blogs (ha!). And, although I think it'd be very interesting to write about parenting, I've already noticed that even in talking with close friends about parenting, everyone has opinions, and it's hard to remove judgement from conversations. It's possibly worse than discussing religion, sex, or politics. Maybe, this blog will turn into a place for family and friends who live far away to check out how our kids are doing and how much they've grown. Who knows? The future is full of possibilities. Meanwhile, stay tuned, because the next few weeks are bound to be very interesting!

Cheers,
Douglas

All Clean

Yesterday we made our way through the market and the mall to get a few new things. After seeing how much Labrador hair our housekeeper swept up on Monday we decided to get a vacuum cleaner. We are now the proud owners of a fuchsia colored vacuum. We also picked up some baskets and containers to keep the baby necessities organized. We will see how well we organize our organizer.

Douglas is in bed and under the weather. It never fails that on the loudest day of the year someone gets sick. It is Diwali today. Which is the equivalent of New Years, Christmas, and the Fourth of July rolled up into a bunch of noise. Definitely not our favorite holiday. Nonetheless Happy Diwali.

I opened and washed everything today. All of our bottles and pacifiers are squeaky clean. I clicked this picture while everything was drying. Then I did the math for a twenty hour journey to Indianapolis and realized that everything on the counter would be required. Luckily we also snagged a new set of wine glasses while we were out!

Chad

Waiting

Our DNA test kits have been shipped. They should arrive in Delhi in a couple days. I have to say I am ready to get this show on the road. I know the babies are still growing, but I am so ready to get my arms around them. I have already completed all of the paperwork to make them into US citizens (I am a little crazy: I filled out four forms one for each of the four names we have chosen--two boys, two girls--you get the idea).

We had a meeting with Dr. Indira on Saturday. The first thing she said was "Seema is mad at you!" Turns out Seema has been packing on the pounds since we last saw her. Thirteen pounds in three weeks. Since it is Diwali season here she has been getting several visitors at her house and is a little embarrassed by her weight gain. Leaving the house and getting to the appointments has become quite the challenge, and so the doctor has provided a car and driver to get from place to place. For the comfort of everyone we decided not to have Seema trek across town to our fancy ultrasound clinic to get the 3D images and video. The great news is that everything is healthy with the babies and Seema.

The next ultrasound will be on Nov. 5. They will be doing a doppler to check that blood flow is reaching both babies equally. After that the babies can come anytime. However if they don't come before Nov. 17 they will induce her on Nov. 19 or 20!

Chad