Sunday, March 27, 2011

Focusing on Our Family

Still no news from our surrogate, other than she is resting at home. We hadn't expected to hear anything this week anyway. So, I thought I'd take this time to fill in some details about Chad and myself.

I think I've already said that we've been living in India for about three years. Before we moved here we were together for a little over a year, so we've been an official couple for about four years. I'll let Chad tell the story about how we met, because it's more interesting when he tells that particular piece of history.

I grew up in a very conservative farming family in southern Ohio. I have an older sister and brother, and then a younger brother. We all were raised in a fundamentalist Christian tradition. So, coming out to my parents right after I graduated college was not the easiest thing. My parents have some pretty strong views about same-sex relationships, and they are holding fast to their beliefs. The silver lining might be that although we see the world very differently (they view my sexual orientation as a choice), they are so respectful--actually very welcoming--to my husband.

I've given significant thought as of late about how to tell them that we are embarking on a journey to become parents, and I go back and forth between thinking that they will take the news in stride and continue respecting, although disagreeing, with our version of what family is, and that this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

The whole conundrum can be summed up in a discussion that I had with my sister last year. My sister works for an evangelical fundamentalist Christian organization that purports to focus on ministering to families (was that too descriptive?). She is intelligent and well-spoken, and we often have interesting discussions on our rather divergent points of view. I told her that Chad and I were getting married, and she was very taken aback. After she took a minute and collected her thoughts we continued having a discussion about family and the reasons why she is so uncomfortable with the idea of two men marrying each other. I hinted to her that one of the reasons we wanted to get married was that we'd like to have a family some day. This elicited further astonishment. My sister then added that although she doesn't think that gay men should get married or raise families, she thought that I'd make a good parent. I'm not sure how to reconcile those two statements.

In the spectrum of possible reactions to life's twists and turns, I realize that there could be much worse reactions to this kind of news. So, I'm hoping that my entire family will have that same reaction and greet any children we have with open and loving arms.


  1. Parents can be unpredictable. I had similar fears about telling my mom and she shocked us. Her life revolves around grandbabbies and she was ecstatic. I think I could have told her we'd stolen one from a grocery store and she'd be JUST FINE with it. One more to spoil ;)

  2. The most important thing to remember is that you are working on YOUR family...and while support from family is important and hopeful, it is secondary to your journey!
    We had family not come to our civil union ceremony as they hid behind a bible but I haven't heard a negative peep when it comes to our children. And that of course is good for everyone!

  3. Thanks for the encouraging comments. Edward, I just got done reading all of the old entries on your blog. Your journey has been incredible. I only hope ours will be as rewarding as yours has been. Still a week to go in our 2WW. Plus, this is the week before our Spring Break. I'm sure this week will pass excruciatingly slowly!

  4. No words of wisdom here, just wanting to let you know that I hope that they see that children are a blessing no matter what!

    And to have 2 loving parents such as you both will be one very lucky baby(s)!

  5. I hope that when the time comes the discussion with your family goes very well, and most importantly I hope you are very succesful at building your family very soon! Best of luck!! :)