Wednesday, April 20, 2011

All the What Ifs

Five years ago today two of my best friends, and former college roommates were killed in a plane crash. They were both in grad school at the time, and I was working in Indianapolis. I will forever remember driving to work that morning and hearing about a plane that went off the radar and thinking nothing. Then, after having taught all day, I got the tragic news. Both friends were killed on impact. I didn't even know they were flying that day.

I have to say that I have had a very difficult time remaining positive today. A million what if scenarios have gone through my mind. A father is not supposed to be around to see his child die. I've tried not to dwell on these ideas today, but trying not to dwell on an idea is usually an exercise in futility.

What an incredible risk parenthood must be. Given my profession, I'd like to think I have a slightly better understanding of appreciation for how complex the task is; but, what I am just starting to comprehend is the feeling of helplessness that parents must have--and our babies are wrapped in the relative safety and comfort of a nearby womb. How will I feel once they're out in the world?

Today, I reflect on my friends, and dream about my children. Yes, I've thought about all the what ifs. But, I've also thought about lives lived with passion. And as I do that, I try to forget the fear that can paralyze us in our journeys.


  1. Doug, I actually didn't read your whole blog after I found it a few months ago...and I'm now seeing what a great writer you are and how I wish I could put more effort in to ours (especially lately). I'm so sorry about your friends. I agree that no parent should experience the loss of their child (my sister passed away at 32 and it just devastated my parents -- the loss changed them, and our family, forever). But reflecting on it like you have and will in the coming years is good. I always talk about my sister like she is still around -- it keeps her alive for me. I hope you can try to do the same for your friends. I'm loving the great success you've been having with the baby journey, gives us hope. Take care.

  2. Doug, thank you for the kind words.