Wednesday, July 3, 2013

What Do Children Need?

We've been staying with family for the past few weeks, having a great time seeing friends and relaxing. And, yes, we certainly enjoyed the court rulings last week, although I wish they could have/would have gone further to end discrimination and institute marriage equality for all. I've also been thinking about what life after India will be like. Will we come back to the US? Will we go to a different country? What will our jobs be like? Where will our children go to school? Honestly, I should stay more in the present, but I've had fun letting my imagination run wild. If I imagine it, maybe Chad and I will be able to manifest it.  We'll see. 

But all this imagining and the reverberations from the political echo chamber about how children need two opposite sex parents has me wondering what children really do need. And I've been imagining all of these different scenarios, trying to think about which one will benefit our children the most. I feel like a weatherman trying to predict which cloud will rain on which field.

At the school where I work, we talk about our belief that everyone needs safety (this includes physical needs such as food and sleep), power (including feeling successful), fun, freedom, and love and belonging. I see my students go about getting these needs met every day. Parents play the most important role in helping their children learn how to meet their own needs and to respect the needs of others. 

After a week of listening to pundits talk about what children need, I've been trying to pinpoint the feeling that I have when I hear  the soft bigotry of pundits cloaked in the religious zealotry that passes for holiness. And I've come to the conclusion that the feeling is not resentment. I'm not resentful of the people who think that my family isn't as optimal as a family with a mother and a father rather than two fathers. I am more saddened by the lack of understanding. People just don't understand how much our family is just like every other functional family with parents who love their children beyond measure. 


  1. A heterosexual couple do not automatically make good parents...or even two people who are involved with any children in the house. It is good for children to be loved and know more than just only one person. This does not mean single parent households are less desirable as most single parent households have more than one person involved with child care.
    Given current research showing gay couples are more egalitarian than hetero couples there is reason to think children with same sex parents actually spend more time with each parent than in a traditional hetero household.
    In other words, you two parents may be doing a superior job at parenting for your children. I just heard the H8ers scream but ignore them.
    Clearly, reading your stories and watching your pictures, your sons (and my granddaughter with 2 daddies) are doing terrifically. BECAUSE YOU BOTH LOVE AND INTERACT WITH YOUR CHILDREN.
    You are role models for our world ~ Desired children who are loved and cared for and are thriving. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
    Old Ca Grandmother

  2. Hi! I am your newest follower and your children are adorable. My two cents: Kids do NOT need a nuclear family to be raised right. Just in the time I have spent looking at your blog, I can tell you two are amazing parents. And I love the comment above :) Looking forward to following along!

  3. Yes I think the biggest things that children need your boys receive in abundance. Ignore the haters, I'm glad you don't resent them, just pity them. I know how similar you are to us and many other hetero or same sex parents. But also I know that all families are different, and that's great too. I wonder where you'll move to?! How about Australia?! SR x

  4. There is certainly no question in my mind whether or not your boys are getting exactly what they need. (except maybe the fact that they NEED to see their Aunt more often) They are getting everything that you stated above and so much more. You and Chad are two of the best fathers that I know. I love standing back and watching the two of you parent and raise these two amazing boys. The boys have a great foundation and great role models as fathers. Keep doing what you are doing because it is working! Love you all!